


That is why you cannot leave

by irisdouglasiana



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Gen, experimental format whoa, just because there wasn't enough of these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 01:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13307421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisdouglasiana/pseuds/irisdouglasiana
Summary: Six times Floki and Ivar teased each other.





	That is why you cannot leave

_That is why you cannot leave..._

* * *

1\. “Pay attention, Ivar. This is important.”

“Your stories are boring, old man. I don’t have all day.”

“You don’t have all day to do what? Sit on your arse and complain? Must be tiring. Well, in that case, you can go ahead and leave.”

“Leave? We’re on a boat in the middle of the river, you idiot!”

“Indeed we are. I always knew Ragnar’s youngest boy was clever, as your mother said. You’ll have to swim back to shore. Here, I’ll give you a hand over the side—”

“No!”

“Then you’ll just have to suffer through more of old Floki’s boring stories. Too bad.”

* * *

2\. “You beady-eyed, donkey-faced, knock-kneed fool. Floki, your brain is boiled from standing out in the sun all day building boats.”

“Well at least _I_ have something to show for it, unlike Ragnar’s nitwit son.”

“That is a terrible thing to call my brother Sigurd. How dare you.”

* * *

3\. “Floki, there’s something I don’t understand.”

“What’s that?”

“Helga is a fine woman, so why would she marry someone as ugly as you?”

“Maybe you don’t know much about what women like, Ivar.”

“So tell me.”

“Women are very mysterious. But it does help to not be an irritating little shit.”

* * *

4\. “Why should I listen to you? You don’t know anything except for your boats.”

“Indeed. How lucky I am to have Ivar the Most-Thoughtful-and-Wise to explain things to me in simple words I can understand. Ivar the Font-of-All-Knowledge, come to dispense his wisdom to the poor, sad little people for free. Very impressive, at your age.”

“Shut your mouth, old man, or you’ll catch flies.”

“No? That doesn’t suit you? Okay, I’ll think of something else. Ivar the Brat, Ivar the Bug-Eyed, Ivar the Bonehead…”

“Shut. Up.”

* * *

5\. “Do you think my father will come back someday, Floki?”

“If it is the will of the gods, then yes.”

“And do you think that is their will?”

“It’s a fool’s errand to guess at the gods’ designs, Ivar. But if Ragnar returns, he will be pleased to see how his sons have grown. Even you, the most annoying one.”

“Hmpf.”

“What, that’s it? You’re not going to take that sitting down, are you? Oh. I guess you are.”

“Just this once. Your opinions are as worthless as your jokes, boat builder.”

“Ivar, if there’s one thing I like about you, it’s your warm and cheerful nature.”

“That’s two things. Learn how to count.”

* * *

6\. “Little bastard.”

“Old fool.”

* * *

_…I will be too lonely._

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen the show all the way through, so hopefully my characterization isn't too off. I just liked these two affectionately roasting each other.
> 
> ...okay, I also really wanted to write "Ivar the Bonehead." Just because.


End file.
